(Dad and sister talking about people who tame monkeys.) Sister: How come there are always birds when people with monkeys are putting on a show? Dad: That's because the monkey tamers tame the monkeys to teach the birds to swoop down low whilst you are looking at the monkeys are steal your stuff Sister: Really? Dad: Yup

(A while ago, when I was a young child.) Me: What's plastic surgery? Dad: It's when they take out your lungs and dip them in corn syrup.