(After watching an ad against drunk driving)
Dad: Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly!
Mom: Yeah, that's a good lesson to teach your sixteen year old daughter.
Dad: It's true! Don't make me throw my coffee mug at you.
One of the benefits of the Occupy Wall Street protests: Getting the boomerang generation off of the couch.
(There was a priest who visited my great-grandfather after my great-uncle died. He was looking at my great-grandfather's garden.)
Priest: Are those pansies out there?
Great-Grandfather: Can I tell you a secret?
Priest: Sure, that's what I'm here for.
Great-Grandfather: It's Hungarian marijuana.
(Mom had left for a business trip and it was just dad and I by ourselves)
Dad: So, you wanna get some hookers and blow?
Me: Seriously, Dad?
Dad: Fine... how about some pot? Do you know anyone? Or shrooms, 'cause that'll be cool too. Or both... at the same time!
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