(My mom had just gone into the freezer for the 5th time in the last hour to get a cup of ice.)
Dad: Hey! If you keep doing that, you'll get addicted to the ice. From there, you'll move on to snow... Then you'll hit the hard stuff, like sleet.
Me: And hail after that?
Dad: Oh god... let's not go down that road...
Me: Mum, can I use the tuna in the fridge?
Dad: What are you going to use it for?
Me: (sarcastically) I'm going to smear it on my genitals.
Dad: Mind the cat, that's the kind of pussy you don't want
(Me brushing my teeth)
(Gargling, Dad walks in holds my nose and says)
Me: (Spits everything on him)
Dad: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT! EVERYONE SWALLOWS IN THIS HOUSE!
Mom: That's right dear.
(My dad coming in, seeing I'm on facebook instead of doing my math homework.)
Dad: If you don't start doing your math, you'll turn into a zombie. *leaves*
Me: What just happened?
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