(A while ago, when I was a young child.)
Me: What's plastic surgery?
Dad: It's when they take out your lungs and dip them in corn syrup.
(Me brushing my teeth)
(Gargling, Dad walks in holds my nose and says)
Me: (Spits everything on him)
Dad: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT! EVERYONE SWALLOWS IN THIS HOUSE!
Mom: That's right dear.
(Christmas morning. I open a present to what I think is a new iphone)
Me: You got me an iphone? I can't believe it!
Dad: Just open it and see.
(I proceed to ope iPhone box)
Me: There is a picture of an iphone... But no phone...
Me: Why would you go through all of this trouble just to crush my dreams?
Dad: Get used to a life of disappointment
Me: Dad, I can't remember what RNA is!
Dad: Remember, RNA is sort of like an aggressive date.
Me: ... Huh?
Dad: It helps unzip your genes! Ha!
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