My mother texts me: Hey... Dad wants a ticket to the game in green bay for Christmas... I believe it's a football game and I think it's the Packers against another team... Possibly the Yankees.
(My mom had just gone into the freezer for the 5th time in the last hour to get a cup of ice.)
Dad: Hey! If you keep doing that, you'll get addicted to the ice. From there, you'll move on to snow... Then you'll hit the hard stuff, like sleet.
Me: And hail after that?
Dad: Oh god... let's not go down that road...
(Watching show about El Chupacabra with my uncle.)
Narrator: Last sightings were seen in Texas...
Me: Texas, its always texas.
Me: Nasty creatures sucking the blood of farm animals.
Uncle: Probably their governor.
Dad: If you want to date, date somebody who's going to harass you, so I'll at least have an excuse when the police bring me into custody.
Mother: Don't quote what I say on facebook. Seriously, if you quote what I say you will sleep on the roof for three weeks. And you can quote me on that.
(My dad coming in, seeing I'm on facebook instead of doing my math homework.)
Dad: If you don't start doing your math, you'll turn into a zombie. *leaves*
Me: What just happened?
(While watching mom hang stockings)
Me: Mom, you only have two kids, why are you hanging six stockings?
Mom: Well, two are for the dogs, three for the cats, and one for the bird.
Me: So where's Sister's stocking? And mine?
Mom: Oh like I'm getting gifts for you two.
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