(talking to my mom about a project for school.)
Me: Yeah, so my teacher says I actually have to talk about an accident that happened in the past. Do you have any I could use?
Me: But that's my brother's name.
Mom: Like I said...
(Wondering why my sisters and my birthdays are all in January and February, expecting an aniversary or birthday.)
Me: What's nine months before January?
Mom: Baseball season
Mom: It's the only time I drink beer
Me: Hey dad, do you care that the only reason I was born was because your vasectomy didn't work?
Dad: Mate, if I cared, you would have been named Houdini instead of Ryan.
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