Me: I am way more romantic than you, Mom.
Mom: Just because you read all those romance novels? You haven't even had sex.
Me: No, I meant that you just don't act romantic. I wasn't talking about sex.
Mom: I've had more sex than you, so HA!
Mom: Do you think your father would take you to the chiropractor three days a week?
Me: Do you want dad to take me?
Mom: No, I just want to know if you think he would.
Me: No, probably not.
Mom: YES! I'm the better parent.
Me: Are you really still competing for best parent? All of your kids are adults, and you've been divorced for years.
Mom: The competition never ends. Now, tell me what he did for your brother's birthday.
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