(After the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" was lifted.)
Mom: So, NOW will you tell me you're gay?
Me: MOM! I'm not gay! Why would you think that?
Mom: Because you joined the Navy! Real men join the Marines!
Me: Dad was in the AirForce!
Mom: ... Why won't you give me grandchildren?!
Me: Thinning the herd.
(My five year old son): Mom, I'm gay.
Me: Really? So you want to marry boys?
Son: No, I like girls.
Me: Sweetie, then you aren't gay. That means boys who love boys, and girls who love girls. You are heterosexual.
Son: Look mom, I just wanna be gay but marry a girl!
Me: ... Well I guess that's how some gay guys do it...
Mum: Are you a lesbian? That would be gross.
Me: Didnt you tell me you dated a lesbian for six months?
Mum: Yes, but we never went beyond kissing. She wanted to stay virgin until married.
(My brother finally telling our parents he's gay.)
Mom: You can't be gay, you're not good looking and you have no fashion sense.
(My Mom was watching the TV when I joined her. She had no idea I was gay.)
Mom: Any nice boys in your class?
Mom: Any nice boys in another class?
Mom: Do you even look at the boys?
Me: ... No, not really.
Mom: You prefer girls?
Me: ... Yes.
Mom: Any nice girls in your class?
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