Me (7 Year old): Mom, what if aliens landed in the back yard, ate all our food, and left? Dad: Sounds like our relatives. Mom: (Glares at dad)

Mom: OK: No drugs, no alcohol, no sex and no boys. Dad: Basically we want you to have a sh**ty time.

(On the phone.) Me: Could you post me one of my old school shirts? I'm putting together a Hogwarts costume. Mum: What for? Me: A Harry Potter night at the student union. Mum: You should go as a wand!

Aunt: I turn around and my sister has her hand down her shirt, my neice is holding a ghost and my husband is singing "Sixteen Candles" while jamming a Power Ranger into a chocolate cake. Where's my drink?