(My mom had just gone into the freezer for the 5th time in the last hour to get a cup of ice.) Dad: Hey! If you keep doing that, you'll get addicted to the ice. From there, you'll move on to snow... Then you'll hit the hard stuff, like sleet. Me: And hail after that? Dad: Oh god... let's not go down that road...

Dad: If you want to date, date somebody who's going to harass you, so I'll at least have an excuse when the police bring me into custody.

(My dad coming in, seeing I'm on facebook instead of doing my math homework.) Dad: If you don't start doing your math, you'll turn into a zombie. *leaves* Me: What just happened?

Me: According to the lab I did, you and mom can't be homozygous dominant for ALU. Dad: Baby, I ain't homo nothing. Me: Creeeepy.