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By Unknown
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I'd like to rag on them for getting Sammy Hagar's name wrong, but I can't. Ever since he didn't get invited to the Van Halen reunion-fest, there's no better nickname for him than "Sammy Haggard."

By Unknown
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"Reanimated corpse" isn't entirely accurate. It's actually a hologram of the late, great West-coast rapper, which gave a surprise performance to finish off the first week of Coachella 2012. This proves that (a) industry executives can own your body as well as your soul, and (b) '90s nostalgia has gotten WAY out of hand.

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By Unknown
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Then the "guitarrist" feels so embarrassed that he locks himself in the bathroom after the show. His fans assume he's too conceited to come out and meet them and conclude that he's a douche canoe. NOBODY WINS AND EVERYTHING WAS TRAGIC.

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