I'm a pro, but only in one key.
Comedian Tim Minchin does the musical equivalent of simultaneous head-patting and belly-rubbing.
AND YES, WE KNOW THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS F-SHARP. THAT'S THE JOKE.
Edit: The person who wrote that last sentence was, in fact, thinking of E-sharp. We are working to correct the situation; management is currently dragging him outside to be shot.