I don't care what the prize for the radio contest is, NEVER answer a phone call with "Penis!" when expecting a call from the job you apply for. #LFMF
When chopping habinero peppers. Always wash your hands before going to the bathroom. The oil and juices will cause your junk to burn for hours.
Never, ever say "it's so cute!" the first time you see your boyfriend's... ummm... you know. 16 years and a break up later he'll still remind you of it. #LFMF
When playing any game similar to Taboo, keep in mind there are many ways to get others to guess the word "beard." Any of them are hundreds of times better than "Dad has a small one." #LFMF
When you have some free time in class and you decide to take a quick nap, remember that some people think it's funny to draw penises on every bit of exposed skin. Very hard to explain to teachers and parents. #LFMF
If your mom hands you her digital camera to show you a pic, don't click to see the next pic. You just might see a picture of, what you hope is, your dads penis. #LFMF