Maintaining proper sanitation when replacing your contact lens is smart. Using 68% alcohol hand sanitizer for that purpose is not. Your eyeball will burn with the fury of a sun while you cry and wait for the pain to fade. #LFMF
When making homemade peppermint hot chocolate, remember that the 83% proof peppermint essence is incredibly strong. DO NOT be tempted to put more than a few drops into your mug, no matter how much you like mint. Your tongue will burn, and you will have to make it all over again. #LFMF
When your friend offers you a bag of the world's second hottest hot sauce, and its covering the insides of the bag everywhere, and you dip your finger in it and taste it, at least wipe your hand off before you scratch your face, rub your eyes, and slap the mosquito on your face. Your face and eye will thank you for it. #LFMF
Never stand behind your brother whilst he's cooking. When he burns himself you'll get a face full of elbow. #LFMF
After using a foot lotion that contains cinnamon and black pepper, DO NOT stick your little finger in your ear if it itches. It will burn, you will regret it and your ear will itch 100 times worse than before! #LFMF
Don't advise someone to keep toothpaste on their face overnight to get rid of a spot. It will burn their face in their sleep and you will feel guilty. #LFMF
If you have just started hiccupping, for the love of God, DO NOT pick up the cup of coffee you have just made. You will hiccup, it will go everywhere, and you will be sad. #LFMF
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