If your daughter was born close to midnight, it is a good idea to check her birth certificate when you're not drugged. If you don't, 15 years later when you take out said birth certificate so she can get her permit, she will hate you for celebrating her birthday on the wrong day her whole life. #LFMF
If your sister is a Twihard and you plan on giving her a movie poster for her birthday either
A: Find out which team she's on
B: Get her a poster with both guys on it.
She will turn out to like the guy who is NOT on the poster you got her, and you will recieve a two hour lecture on why that character is her favorite.
In a moment of desperation, it is never a good idea to call the girl you like (and who has a birthday today) and tell her to come to the store and choose whatever she wants. The posibility of her choosing something more expensive than what your wallet can afford just makes you look like an idiot. And a very professional one. #LFMF
Never think that your pet turtle will want to give you a kiss. Even if it is your birthday. #LFMF
When your wife asks you if want her to do something "special" for your birthday, "the dishes" is not what she had in mind. #LFMF
When hiring a clown for your three year olds birthday party, first check to be sure he dosen't have a fear of clowns. #LFMF
When discussing your wife's birthday present, don't mention you got it at a 7-11 at 11:30 the previous night, even if she loves it. #LFMF
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