Correct: I have a large group of friends.
Incorrect: I have a big posse.
No one sitting around you will hear you correctly.
If you're washing your car, which is named Muff (due to the letters MUF being in the numberplate), and you are female, under no circumstances should you tell anyone you are washing your muff.
Should have said: I will save this .zip file and explore its contents later.
What I actually said out loud in a quiet classroom: I will zip this up and play with it later.
In the recording world a mic that's too loud is referred to as being too hot, however, not everyone knows this. So when you're practicing a church skit using wireless mics, and you're getting annoyed by the level of the female lead’s mic, say "Your mic is too loud," not "You’re so hot." Everyone will think you’re hitting on her.
When waiting outside the cinema for a movie with your friend whose name is Dick and he does something silly, don't exclaim "You suck, Dick!". The mother of the small children overhearing your conversation will not be pleased.
Gentlemen; When sending a text to your girlfriend which explicitly details what you want to do to her sexually, make sure it is sent to your girlfriend and not to your male best friend. Things will get more awkward when he discovers the photo attachment.
When coming out of the ocean wearing a shorty wetsuit borrowed from a friend, and feeling cool like James Bond because everyone is watching you, remember that that huge water filled bulge at your groin is actually where your ass is supposed to go when you've got the suit on the right way round!
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