Make sure that you have toilet paper BEFORE YOU CRAP!
Remember that your mother has an even dirtier mind than you before asking any questions. You will ask "What does 'shucking the corn' mean?" in a very awkward tone of voice, and she will burst into laughter. You will have no idea why this is funny. #LFMF
Just because the store brand anti-histamine is on sale for $10 off the original price doesn't mean it's a great buy. Not all medication is made alike, and sometimes the wrong amount of something will actually enhance your symptoms. #LFMF
When your cat starts "reminding" you of its feeding schedule you might think it's pretty smart. Actually, your cat is learning just how much it can annoy you before you get up to feed it, which makes you pretty dumb. #LFMF
You cannot blow out a candle while brushing your teeth. You can however spit out a candle. #LFMF
Good idea: Finally working up the courage to try a frontflip off the diving board.
Bad idea: Hesitating on your final bounce before you go off.
You will land flat on your back. It will hurt a lot, and your back and booty will be numb for several minutes. #LFMF
Having to use Startup Repair once is bad enough, but if you have to do it again a few days later, you need a new computer. #LFMF