Things Get Awkward When a Performer Takes a Grinder to Her Metal-Clad Nethers on Live Television

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The news crew begging to cut the footage early in the background is a nice touch!

There's a Serial Car Pooper in Akron, Anybody Have Any Leads?

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The Akron, Ohio Police Department is in a desperate search to find this car-ty pooper. Apparently he's left his gifts inside or on top of 19 different vehicles, occasionally even opening unlocked vehicles in order to do so.

Truly, we live in benighted times.

A Trio of Teens Thought They Scored Some Coke, They Found Out the Wrong Way it Was Ashes

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From the Smoking Gun:

A trio of teenage burglars who stole cash, jewelry, electronics, and prescription drugs from a Missouri residence also thought they got away with a stash of c0caine they found in a wooden box, only to later discover that the powder was actually the cremated remains of the homeowner’s father, police report.

Upon determining that they were not, in fact, in possession of c0caine, the teens discarded the remains out the window of their getaway car. One of the burglars actually tasted the powder and realized it was not a controlled substance. 

Surprise of the Day: Real Hamburglar Pays a Visit to Viral Hamburglar News Anchor

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Congratulations Internet, you made this happen.

A Fox 2 news anchor in St. Louis named April Simpson became a viral sensation last week thanks to a video which showed her glaring her co-host Tim Ezell after he called her the “Hamburglar” on air.

Comedian Kevin Hart also posted the original clip to Facebook getting it lots of attention online.

The network then decided to play a little prank on April Monday morning, by having the actual Hamburglar appear on set to rub some fry salt in her wounds.

The crew also proceeds to throw hamburgers at her while she sits at her desk in disgust.

“Here’s my thing,” she says. “There are several people who are no longer my friends.”

She points to everyone in the room who participated in the stunt and says that she doesn’t even want to do the news anymore.

But it looks like she got over it, according to Twitter.