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news-fail-condom-robbery-explosion
Via: ABC News
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The poor fella needed protection from the protection he so adamantly, and somehow recklessly tried to acquire.

ABC News reports the 29-year-old man and a couple his buddies planned to steal the condoms by blowing the rubbers vending machine to smithereens.

Amidst the explosion the three fools took shelter in a car nearby, but the victim failed to close his door, and took a fatal shot to the noggin from a flying piece of metal.

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Remember in class when you were called on to read an excerpt from a book, and the ensuing catastrophe that was trying to remember to breathe between sentences?

Let Poppy Harlow be a lesson to us all. This is what happens when you forget to breathe for a hot minute.

On Monday morning CNN's Poppy Harlow PTFO. Midway through a live broadcast we can hear the anchorwoman hit an imaginative wall. Shortly after Harlow came back on the air to reassure viewers that she had, 'gotten a little hot and passed out for a moment.'

news-miami-crime-woman-arrested-drugs-wal-mart-chicken-wine
Via: CBS Miami
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Brought to you fresh and fried out of Lecanto, Florida, The Citrus County Sheriff's Office arrested a woman on shoplifting and drug paraphernalia charges. She was apprehended amidst a shopping cart fueled joyride out of hell.

The woman's been identified as Josseleen Elida Lopez, 25. Lopez was held after scarfing down $32.36 worth of food and wine. She told the authorities she's homeless.

If you're going to hit rock bottom, at least eat some chicken, and wash it down with some wine right? In all seriousness we wish Lopez the best on her road to recovery. Deputies disclosed to the press that they found two empty syringes after arresting Lopez, which she claims she used to inject crystal meth.

nfl-news-patriots-overtime-kickoff-fail-loss
Via: Uproxx
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The New England Patriots played all day as if they were wearing ankle weights against the New York Jets, but still managed to push the game past regulation into overtime with a late and shining moment of clutch city from Tom Brady. Let's just say things went downhill fast soon as OT started.

In an act of madness the Patriots chose to kickoff, after winning the coin flip for overtime.

Whoops?

Unsurprisingly it took the Jets a mere five plays to drive down the field for a six-yard TD pass from Ryan Fitzpatrick to Eric Decker for the win.

funny fail image man arrested with face tattoos that say Fck Cops
Via: News on 6
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The brilliant duo were arrested over the weekend for robbing one of their exes on Friday afternoon, Tulsa police reported.

Sonja Moro, 29, and Paul Terry, 26, teamed up and knocked on Moro's ex-boyfriend's door to demand money. After the victim handed over his wallet to Moro, Terry stayed behind to demand more money.



The victim said he didn't have any more money and that's he was calling the police. When police arrived the robbers were long gone, but the victim easily identified his assailants, having dated Moro and was able to give a description because of the distinguishable tattoos on Terry's face.



Next time you want to rob someone you know in real life, wear a ski mask to hide your f*ck cops tattoos. 

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