Criminally Dumb Criminal

Via al.com
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Walmart not only has falling prices, it’s also got strange men falling out of the ceiling.

A shoplifter was apprehended by security at a store in Mobile, Alabama last Wednesday after trying to walk away with a debit card, some shoes, a hat, a watch and some underwear.

They locked him up in the security office, but he mysteriously disappeared.

“He had climbed on a desk, jumped into the ceiling, then tried to escape,” said a witness named Brannan Lynn, who recorded the whole thing on his phone.

The suspect made his way to the entryway of the store where he then kicked he way through, dangling for a few minutes before hopping down to the ground.

He eventually ran into the parking lot and drove away in his car.

You can check out some more raw footage of the daring escape on LiveLeak.

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From the Smoking Gun:

A trio of teenage burglars who stole cash, jewelry, electronics, and prescription drugs from a Missouri residence also thought they got away with a stash of c0caine they found in a wooden box, only to later discover that the powder was actually the cremated remains of the homeowner’s father, police report.

Upon determining that they were not, in fact, in possession of c0caine, the teens discarded the remains out the window of their getaway car. One of the burglars actually tasted the powder and realized it was not a controlled substance. 
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Via Arbroath
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From Arbroath:

An 82-year-old woman was arrested after she was caught trying to steal a bottle of “Sexiest Fantasies” body spray from a CVS pharmacy near her Georgia home, police report.

Anneliese Young, the accused octogenarian, was caught when a store worker spotted her placing the item inside her purse. Young then walked out of the Augusta business without paying for the $7.39 body spray, according to a police report. Young was confronted by a pharmacy employee outide the store on January 27.
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Via Uproxx
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Health insurance isn't easy in the United States, but this is something else entirely. Via Fox 8 Live:

…when the officer asked Diondre why she provided the hospital staff with the wrong name and information, Diondre pointed at her shirt and told the officer, "They must have gotten the name from this shirt." The shirt that Diondre was wearing was a memorial shirt for her deceased sister, Delores. Diondre Jones was booked with one count of Medicaid fraud and also had an outstanding attachment for failure to appear in court from a previous arrest.