A 12-Year-Old Colorado Girl Was Arrested for Attempting to Poison Her Mother Over iPhone Privileges, Because #KidsTheseDays

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Allegedly the girl hatched a revenge plot to murder her mother after her iPhone was taken away. That sentence is a real event and not something we pulled from a psychology case study on sociopathy.

Boulder County police arrested the tween after her mother reported her for the second poisoning incident. The first, when the child poured bleach into her mother's smoothie, which mom was able to detect by smell (and here we thought it was the pricepoint of a Vitamix that would kill you ZING).

Then she tried the same stunt with a carafe of water that her mother kept in her bedroom. This is probably the ballsiest move in the entire story, because seriously who tries the same matricidal nonsense twice? That's just poor form, Olivia (in the story I am assuming the child's name is Olivia because they're all named Olivia, run with me here).

To conclude, anothercase of tween barbarism solved by the power of a mom who won't take any nonsnse... and maybe a little help from Mr. Yuck.

Darth Vader Pulls Off a North Carolina Bank Robbery, Gets Drunk at a Hockey Game in One Week

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That's a man in a Darth Vader mask successfully getting away with a bank robbery in Pineville, NC last Monday. Luckily no one was injured in the event. Meanwhile, Star Wars Night at the AHL Manchester Monarchs game featured a Vader who was clearly none too experienced with walking on ice. 



Or maybe just failing to force choke members of the away team. Such is the mystery of the game.

This Man Appears to have a Full on Meltdown Riding the Slingshot

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And based on the beginning of the video you'd think it was his companion that was going to be the one freaking out. But no, this dude appears to go full demonic possession while slinging high into the air, complete with head scratching and rolling around. It still doesn't quite match DMX's epic freakout from last year, but close!