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By Unknown
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Pretty solid, except you can tell that the second sentence of the second paragraph is just a list of all the words that appear under "hott" in the thesaurus.

pedo,sex toys,tumblr,underage,We Are Dating
By Unknown
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The date went splendidly until Jimmy started drawing penises all over Big Bird and crude breasts on Smurfette. He spent the rest of the night in the time-out corner while Jenny's mom, finally giving in to Jenny's insistent wails, went out to buy a new coloring book.

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