Rich in Protein

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Spread Ranch Dressing on My Butt, Oooh Yeahhh That's Good

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And If You Even Think of Responding With "Lol," I Will Slap You With My Thesaurus

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Pretty solid, except you can tell that the second sentence of the second paragraph is just a list of all the words that appear under "hott" in the thesaurus.

Spongebob SexEdPants

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A little stiff, but that's the general idea.

There's a buttload more sex tips and positions to try (lol no there isn't) at Failbook!

Maybe Some Legos Too

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The date went splendidly until Jimmy started drawing penises all over Big Bird and crude breasts on Smurfette. He spent the rest of the night in the time-out corner while Jenny's mom, finally giving in to Jenny's insistent wails, went out to buy a new coloring book.

Too Bad It Only Comes Once a Month

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I Think Someone's Going to Come Between You

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...and he's only going to break your heart.