if romance movies were real life... there would be more fails.

All you need is a well-worded speech and she'll be all yours forever.

If you think "The Notebook" sets your girlfriend's expectations too high, just try seeing "Drive." Soon she'll expect you to take down at least two heads of organized crime before she'll even think to consider the possibility that you're really committed. Damn you, Ryan Gosling!

Oh well, if her expectations are that high you can always date a sex doll instead like Lars from "Lars and the Real Girl." Thank you, Ryan Gosling!

But what fills up the rest of real life? Snappy one-liners? Dance breaks? Panoramic shots of Los Angeles? Sitting vacuously on the couch twiddling our thumbs? INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW.