I Can't Wait for My Hot Date With Ryan Gosling

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I plan to make airplane noises when I spoon food into his mouth.

He Reads Them for the Articles

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A Periodical for the Periodically Neurotic

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Good lord, that majestic prow. It's made several hundred Valkyries quit their jobs to become stewardesses.

"Look, Honey! Some Positions Our Son Has Recommended for Us!"

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That's what you get for reading Cosmo. I get all my sex tips from Balsac. #culturesnob

I Always Thought That Was a Figure of Speech

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Remember, kids: if you have any form of orgasm before marriage, this will happen 99% of the time.

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