All your tween issues can be solved with the help of the wise Judd Apatow.

You're the Jayne to my funny hat. You're the Zoe to my divided loyalties between my husband and my war buddy captain.

All this tells me is that the odds of finding true love are pretty low and that we'll all be alone forever. THANKS SO MUCH CUTESY CARTOON COUPLE.

Kirk's got it down up until the last couple seconds. Kissing: OK. Punching: Not OK.