When I'm Texting a Girl

Favorite
When I'm Texting a Girl
- -

After a certain length of time, my anxiety level reaches critical mass and I just give up and text her "lol nm ttyl" before jumping off a bridge.

The Special Menu

Favorite
The Special Menu
- -

Please, "retards" is derogatory. "Mentally handicapped" is more appropriate, and more potato.

Fake It to Make It

Favorite
Fake It to Make It
- -

False: Basilisks hate it when people they're trying to talk to are texting. It's so rude.

Seriously though, how would pretending to text help when you've run into a stray dog? Do rabies go away if you ignore it? Or is it one of those cute stray dogs that need a home, and ignoring it is the only way to not give in and take it home with you?