The next time someone tells you that you hurt their feelings, try responding the same way Siri did. I can guarantee that you'll get thrown to the ground, unless the person you're speaking to had bought you and you're valued at several hundred dollars. That's why Siri gets a free pass.

The Romeo and Juliet balcony scene took place in the early morning, too. This is from an evil alternate-reality Romeo and Juliet who spend the entire play throwing pithy one-line insults at each other. They both wear goatees.

In how many song titles can we replace the word "love" with "E" and pretend it's about drugs? All I've got is "All You Need Is E," "The Power of E," and "It's Only E."

I wish I knew how to quit you, bro.