You Shut Your Whole Mouth

Favorite
You Shut Your Whole Mouth
- -

This just warms the cockles of my heart. And arouses it at a very reasonable rate.

I Sense a Reluctance to Keep Copying...

Favorite
I Sense a Reluctance to Keep Copying...
- -

I do this to six-year-olds all the time, except instead of "I love you" I say "I'm stupid and I pee my pants!" If I'm lucky they'll look confused and not know what to say. More often, though, they just say "Ewwww you're gross!" and I'll go "Curse you, six-year-old!"

Siri Is a Smarmy Bastard

Favorite
Siri Is a Smarmy Bastard
- -

The next time someone tells you that you hurt their feelings, try responding the same way Siri did. I can guarantee that you'll get thrown to the ground, unless the person you're speaking to had bought you and you're valued at several hundred dollars. That's why Siri gets a free pass.