It's Really a Combination of Diet and Exercise

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It's Really a Combination of Diet and Exercise
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What I'm saying is that you should consider either increasing your metabolic rate or lowering your caloric intake - ideally you should combine the two - in the interests of your health. #antijokechicken

D'oh!

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D'oh!
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As they make phones smaller and smaller, this is my secret fear, especially with touchscreens. Soon all my texts will say "hey do you feel like cnx hogi wejlhnlh vhcio?,)?"

The Future Is Coming

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The Future Is Coming
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Sure is extra future today. Maybe we just need a change from all the nostalgia stuff we've been doing lately.

But There's So Much Protein!

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But There's So Much Protein!
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My milkshake brings all the girls to the yard, and is 250% their recommended serving of saturated fat.

But Your Beard Is So Soft and Feminine!

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But Your Beard Is So Soft and Feminine!
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From the submitter:

My number used to belong to a girl who must have put out quite easily... Random texts from horny dudes looking for booty calls are common.