Also, if you have the conversational texting skills of a brick wall (you don't offer any of your own information and repeatedly ask generic, open-ended questions - "how are you?" and "what are you doing?"), then people will ditch you to play a video game. Sorry, but it's true.
What I'm saying is that you should consider either increasing your metabolic rate or lowering your caloric intake - ideally you should combine the two - in the interests of your health. #antijokechicken