drunk

birthday crap drinking drunk mistext poop shot spelling - 5378901760
Via: kittyyykateee.tumblr.com
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The question is, if she's out celebrating, where's Joey? Sitting at home alone while he reads happy birthday texts from people who are partying without him? Diff'rent strokes, I guess.

drunk drunk text high high text monkey - 5530917888
Via: apirateslifeformeh.tumblr.com
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As before, here's a rough translation of the drunk/high textspeak in case you're having trouble.

Npppppp u am nitvhigh I moss dt ey ismt she esting pancakrx: "My N.P.'s (Nurse Practitioner's) uncle held his bat mitzvah this a.m. (it was a morning party) and my gift of edible moss only succeeded in establishing pancreatic ulcers in my host."

Cddk be: "(the) Caterer Dummies Didn't Know; (they) Belayed Eating (the moss)"

Um hoooot hiiiiiifg,,,, wtf I gaac bonr,,,,: "Ultimately, I acted in the manner of a hooooting owl flying hiiiiiigh in the dead of night and covertly escaped the bat mitzvah, my footsteps low to the ground and subtle like a series of commas... my escape was so smooth and fluid that in the middle of it I unexpectedly got a Gigantic And Awesomely Curved Boner."

Hooooonkey: "[racial slur for white people]"

drinking drunk drunk driving siri - 5843834624
Via: Sh*t That Siri Says
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I don't have any opposable thumbs. Or hands. Don't be ridiculous.