Time to Hire a Go-Between

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complicated,drinking,drunk,drunk text,fat fingers,hard,martinis,old,translator
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Are you sure you meant to say "complicated?" Are you sure you didn't mean to say "Oh god. So drunk right now. Why did I have so many martinis whyyyyyyy?"

BRB, Burning Down the House

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drugs,drunk,Home Alone,parenting,rock and roll,sex
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I'm a Good Quesser

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drunk,drunk text,quess
Tags
By Unknown
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autocowrecks - family guy you're drunk

That's When You Know Your Love Is Real

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dating,drunk,girlfriend,last night,relationships,single
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Cause and Effect

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that's rough bro,drunk,reason to be drunk,funny
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My Shirt Is So Drinked Up

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drink,drinker,drinking,drunk,drunk text,shirt
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This isn't the most incomprehensible text we've had, but in case you need a bit of help for the "3 get in front of my gave," he's saying "I have obtained three items, the identity of which i choose not to disclose to you, via a front-end transaction and I gave said items away soon after said transaction."

An Accurate Auto Correct

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auto correct,booty call,drinking,drunk,Hey,heyyyy,sex,shortcut
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Four y's! We all know what that means!