This is only PART (!!!) of a string of texts from a young woman after only one (1!) date.

Remember, kids! Always silence your phones! And if you don't, make sure your utility belt is stocked with an ample supply of smoke bombs and ninja stars.

An addiction that creates stress, speeds the aging process, and eats at your bank account? Yep, sounds like parenting. Or crack. But mostly parenting.

Gurrl, I don't care if you just got a new phone or not, if you have to play games like these, it's probably not working out.