Always Assume That Strangers Are Child Molesters

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Always Assume That Strangers Are Child Molesters
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Whenever anyone says "it's me" via text, you can safely assume that he or she is over the age of 50 and has been texting for fewer than one year.

Officer Friendly

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Officer Friendly
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Let's hope that "bud" refers to "Budweiser" and not the "marih-joo-wanna" that the kids are so into these days.