But What Do You Think, Now That I Have Your Attention?

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But What Do You Think, Now That I Have Your Attention?
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Drat, why does "Son" have to be so close to "Marriage Counselor" on my contacts list?

Struck Out

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Struck Out
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Hey girl, Imma say hi and add a pic of my smoldering gaze so you know I really mean it.

Whatever It Takes

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Whatever It Takes
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It'll save him a rightfully earned lecture on how a grown man doesn't know how to boil corn.

Always Assume That Strangers Are Child Molesters

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Always Assume That Strangers Are Child Molesters
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Whenever anyone says "it's me" via text, you can safely assume that he or she is over the age of 50 and has been texting for fewer than one year.