Always Assume That Strangers Are Child Molesters

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Always Assume That Strangers Are Child Molesters
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Whenever anyone says "it's me" via text, you can safely assume that he or she is over the age of 50 and has been texting for fewer than one year.

Another Day, Another Follower

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Another Day, Another Follower
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The man is a born social media promoter: few scruples, no conscience.

The Boundless Patience of Not-Drew

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The Boundless Patience of Not-Drew
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From the submitter:

Maybe I should have told them I was Optimus Prime....

You're One Asshole I Don't Trust

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You're One Asshole I Don't Trust
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The ass needs to be fresh before you can lick it.

Congratulations, and Who Are You Again?

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Congratulations, and Who Are You Again?
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Random person sent a happy birthday greeting to a wrong number, and received back a rather strange reply.