Always Assume That Strangers Are Child Molesters

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Always Assume That Strangers Are Child Molesters
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Whenever anyone says "it's me" via text, you can safely assume that he or she is over the age of 50 and has been texting for fewer than one year.

The Boundless Patience of Not-Drew

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The Boundless Patience of Not-Drew
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From the submitter:

Maybe I should have told them I was Optimus Prime....

Struck Out

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Struck Out
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Hey girl, Imma say hi and add a pic of my smoldering gaze so you know I really mean it.