It's official: "douche canoe" is now mainstream.

Shhhh, bro. Don't fight it.

Bro: It's now a verb.

And usually i catch myself before I text something lame. Less so with speaking, which is why I somehow found myself blurting "The Puppy Bowl will be a total cat-tastrophe!" the other day. Dumb. Dogs aren't even cats.

"Oh goodness, the way he put me down like that completely lowered my self-esteem and made me 100% more likely to go out with him!" swoon

Mmmm dem skinny jeans and dat eyeliner.

Yep, that's what all the teen phones are doing these days. Dancing, calling each other "bro," and talking about their ancestors. Often at the same time.