The New York Times uncovered a survey that revealed the surprising popularity of texting on the pooper. Of the 1,000 people surveyed, 75% said they used mobile devices while on the toilet, and 25% said they wouldn't poop at all without their phone (fact: cell phones are the new security blanket).
[polldaddy poll="5916768"]
HI BILLY MAYS HERE WITH ANOTHER FANTASTIC PRODUCT
IF YOU'RE LIKE OTHER AMERICANS YOU LOVE TO EAT CHIPOTLE
BUT YOU HATE ALL THOSE TERRIBLE BLOOD STAINS IN YOUR UNDERWEAR
WE'VE GOT THE PERFECT PRODUCT FOR YOU
They tried to stick together, but they kept getting torn away sheet by sheet until there was nothing left.
Also, if you haven't caught on by this post and the one immediately before it, this site will henceforth be dedicated to poop jokes. Because you demanded it. You're welcome.
It's too late, someone's already used his revenge feces on Greg. A dinosaur costume may also have been involved.
(R-r-r-repost!)