Via: Know Your Meme
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If you think these names sound like the punchline of a bad joke your uncle would tell, that's because you're correct. The news station later sent out an apology for using unverified information in their report, but not before it was archived by the internet.

Via: Reddit
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Barbera. Dolcetto. Shiraz. Merlot.

That's more than a meal.
Via: Daily Motion
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So maybe it isn't that bloody mary (though it damn well could be more than 900 calories) but Red Lobster serves a "Lobsterita" that clocks in right around 890+ calories.